Wednesday, September 19, 2012

clarifications! :)

I have to back up and make several clarifications....
OK, so after I posted the previous post, I got so many emails, calls, texts, messages, etc from people that I didn't even know read this blog! I was humbled, but also a bit embarrased, so I must clarify a few things!
The main reason I wrote that post was to just vent and I have always felt like writing was like therapy for me! I just love to pour my feelings out on paper (or computer screen) LOL. I am so appreciative of all of your kind words! I feel so blessed to have such supportive friends and friends that aren't scared to tell me the truth about how they feel about themselves as well. I feel like every momma in the world has felt like this at one time or another. Even if it is isn't about weight... I am sure that we all feel unatractive and "momish" at one point or another.
I realized something after reflecting on the post and also other's messages to me concerning the post. I don't think that I clarified that I was not talking about being pregnant with Reid as a reason for having more weight on me than normal... I was talking more about the weight that I put on with the twins. I WANT my belly to grown now! Trust me!! LOL I just didn't want to sound like a whiny baby about being pregnant... because that is not at all what I meant!
Also.... my "come to Jesus" moment was when I recieved a letter from a friend that literally took my breath away. She let me know that she was, in fact, that girl that was trapped in the first picture....
The girl in the cute dress with the wine glass that is waiting desperately for this...
(waiting for the husband as well) and then all of a suddent it hit me like a brick right between the eyes... When I look in the eyes of that girl in the top picture, I remember.... I remember a pain so sharp it can't be described with words. It was a pain that I didn't really know how to process. The girl in that top picture was trying to imgine her life never carrying children or even knowing what pregnancy would be like. I was wrapping my brain around what it would be like to adopt and accept the fact that I would not carry my own children. There is really no telling what thoughts were going on in my brain behind that smile in that picture. So... NO, I don't miss that girl every day... I might miss the figure that was a bit better than the one I am sporting now... ha... but I do NOT miss that girl! I am SO proud and happy and humbled to be having another precious life and 2 sweet little stinkers that call me MOMMY! That is what I dreamed of! That is what that girl in that top picture wanted more than anything in the whole world!

OK... with that said... I will leave with a few pics of those little blessings/stinkers.
1st day of school!
1st boat ride!

1 comment:

Samantha said...

Oh girl don't you know I had already read it and was mad that you beat me to the punch!! Been feeling this way awhile but we will get through it!