Thursday, August 25, 2011

baby bump

Guess are not going to believe this, but this post is not about Jack and Lucy! haha...It is about ME! believe it or not!??! I dreamed all of my life about the glorious day that I would see a baby bump on my body. I dreamed and dreamed and stood in front of mirrors and poked out my belly and just imagined of how great I was going to look all cute and pregnant! OH, I just couldn't wait! I even thought about pictures I would take while pregnant and how I would go to the beach, and the pool and just not be at all ashamed of my little bump!
WELL..... "little" it was NOT! At the peak of my looked like this:
This photo was taken the day before I delivered. I could barely walk from one room to the other without feeling like I was going to topple over or die from or the other! ha!
I am about to air out some of my "dirty laundry", so get ready....
I have cried and cried and mourned the fact that I was never really able to have the "fun" pregnancy that I had always dreamed of. That is all water under the bridge, though, because I would never trade one stick of a needle or one day living in that hospital for the beautiful creatures that are sleeping in their bed right now.
The reason for this post is not to say poor, poor, pitiful me, but it is a way to release some of my emotions and let you know if you see me running around still looking 6 months pregnant (ha)...these are the reasons:
You see, when I had all of those dreams and wishes about my baby bump...I honestly only wanted that bump for about 9 month...nothing more, nothing less. But, mother nature had another idea in mind... I have now had that lovely bump for going on 20 months. I have what is called "diastasis recti" (or what I would fondly refer to as "my own worst nightmare") ha
Diastasis recti is when the stomach muscles pull apart during pregnancy. If you have ever been pregnant, this has happened to you as well, but when you are 5'5" with a short torso and pregnant with "Laney size" TWINS....your abdominal muscles do not slowly pull apart...they RIP...or what my doctor likes to say "Those babies blew your muscles a tire".  With all of this being said. I am 10 months post-partum, and I look like I am 6 months ante-partum. So... I went to see about having the muscle repaired, and I was basically told that I would be crazy to have the surgery to repair the muscle separation if I have any plans of having more children. I am completely certain that if the Lord decides to bless us with more children, we would be so grateful (years down the road, of course). My general surgeon told me on Wednesday that if I had the repair done, I would 100% (not maybe) blow it out during pregnancy if I ever were to become pregnant again. So, obviously, no surgery is going to happen until Cal and I have decided that we are through having children. I wanted to have it repaired, not just for vanity sake, but b/c I have an actual for safety reasons, we wanted it to be repaired, but not if that means that I cannot have any more children. Now, the plan is to go to physical therapy to strengthen those muscles and PRAY that they will move back together. I am letting go of a lot of my pride by posting this, but I honestly would covet your prayers... I know that only my close friends and family really read this blog anyway, and I know that you, as women (or men) would understand how difficult this could be TONS worse, I know. I do know that in the grand scheme of things, this is NOTHING! Please know that I am not sitting around belaboring this small inconvenience, but it sure does feel good to "let it all out" ha!


Ballentine said...

Oh Adair. I use my blog as an outlet too. I am also the vainest person I know. Lorelai will be 4 in October, and I still carry around baby weight (and I don't have a medical explanation)! You know I think you are gorgeous, and if you have to wear flowy tops so be it, you're still going to be a super star! That being said, could you have the surgery, and then when y'all have another baby have the surgery again? Money spent on the confidence of a good experience is never wasted. Thanks for sharing, I love reading y'all's blog!

The Sweet Life said...

I have been a reader of yours since before Jack and Lucy were born. I love reading your blog. I will def keep you in my prayers.

Mariellen said...

I am sure your physical therapist will tell you about this, but you just in case they don't ask them about It's called Kineso taping and I know several mother's that it has worked miracles on with diastasis. It is used for many things in the therapy world and it is awesome! I hope it helps and remember we are our hardest critic.

Alli and Korey said...

Adair i love keeping up with you and those precious babies! I have a friend who has the exact same condition, she had 3 children back to back and all weighed over 9 lbs at birth so her dr told her the same thing. She also had 3 c sections, which apparently csections contribute to this as well. Im happy to giver you her email if u want! If it makes you feel better i have stretch marks and a my belky is not even close to being flat! BUT i did bring life into this world twice, and im proud of the fact my body could do that. My body looks like what it is, the body of a mother of two and thats a good thing! And i think you should shoot for a 3rd anyway : ) miss yu at trinity!
Alli nations

Meredith said...

Thanks for sharing. I'm sure that's tough to deal with and painful but you do have a great perspective on it. Hope PT helps!! You do have 2 beautiful children to show for it!

*Jill* said...

Oh Adair, it seems each Mama has her challenges and that we both need a little TLC. I will remember you in my prayers as I know you remember me. Alpha love my sweet sister!!