Guess what...you are not going to believe this, but this post is not about Jack and Lucy! haha...It is about ME! believe it or not!??! I dreamed all of my life about the glorious day that I would see a baby bump on my body. I dreamed and dreamed and stood in front of mirrors and poked out my belly and just imagined of how great I was going to look all cute and pregnant! OH, I just couldn't wait! I even thought about pictures I would take while pregnant and how I would go to the beach, and the pool and just not be at all ashamed of my little bump!
WELL..... "little" it was NOT! At the peak of my pregnancy...it looked like this:
This photo was taken the day before I delivered. I could barely walk from one room to the other without feeling like I was going to topple over or die from pain...one or the other! ha!
I am about to air out some of my "dirty laundry", so get ready....
I have cried and cried and mourned the fact that I was never really able to have the "fun" pregnancy that I had always dreamed of. That is all water under the bridge, though, because I would never trade one stick of a needle or one day living in that hospital for the beautiful creatures that are sleeping in their bed right now.
The reason for this post is not to say poor, poor, pitiful me, but it is a way to release some of my emotions and let you know if you see me running around still looking 6 months pregnant (ha)...these are the reasons:
You see, when I had all of those dreams and wishes about my baby bump...I honestly only wanted that bump for about 9 month...nothing more, nothing less. But, mother nature had another idea in mind... I have now had that lovely bump for going on 20 months. I have what is called "diastasis recti" (or what I would fondly refer to as "my own worst nightmare") ha
Diastasis recti is when the stomach muscles pull apart during pregnancy. If you have ever been pregnant, this has happened to you as well, but when you are 5'5" with a short torso and pregnant with "Laney size" TWINS....your abdominal muscles do not slowly pull apart...they RIP...or what my doctor likes to say "Those babies blew your muscles out...like a tire". With all of this being said. I am 10 months post-partum, and I look like I am 6 months ante-partum. So... I went to see about having the muscle repaired, and I was basically told that I would be crazy to have the surgery to repair the muscle separation if I have any plans of having more children. I am completely certain that if the Lord decides to bless us with more children, we would be so grateful (years down the road, of course). My general surgeon told me on Wednesday that if I had the repair done, I would 100% (not maybe) blow it out during pregnancy if I ever were to become pregnant again. So, obviously, no surgery is going to happen until Cal and I have decided that we are through having children. I wanted to have it repaired, not just for vanity sake, but b/c I have an actual hernia...so for safety reasons, we wanted it to be repaired, but not if that means that I cannot have any more children. Now, the plan is to go to physical therapy to strengthen those muscles and PRAY that they will move back together. I am letting go of a lot of my pride by posting this, but I honestly would covet your prayers... I know that only my close friends and family really read this blog anyway, and I know that you, as women (or men) would understand how difficult this is....it could be TONS worse, I know. I do know that in the grand scheme of things, this is NOTHING! Please know that I am not sitting around belaboring this small inconvenience, but it sure does feel good to "let it all out" ha!