Last...

Last...

...weekend to not be a mom

...Friday to sit in silence

...3 nights to not sleep with one eye open

...few times to feel hiccups and kicks

...few times to struggle getting in and out of a chair LOL

...times to look at empty swings

...few days to not be able to smell and kiss my sweet babies

Last time before A LOT of firsts...

A Miracle...

36 weeks!!!!

I am HOME!!! I have been here for a week. I was in the hospital for a grand total of 8 weeks, including all of my admissions. I was there for a running 6 weeks this time before I was finally discharged to come home! I wish that I could have journaled this experience a lot more than I have...but with the I.V.s and magnesium...typing with a level head was just out of the question. I am so happy to say that our God is still in the "miracle working" business. I mean...I have been contracting in a labor pattern since I was 23 weeks pregnant! At 33 weeks, when I became 3.5 centimeters dilated and 100% effaced, the contractions literally STOPPED! If that is not a miracle...I do not know what is. I still have the normal "braxton hicks" contractions a few times a day, but definitely not every 5-10 minutes anymore. I am now 36 weeks and 1 day!!! As Cal says..."That is just crazy talk"! I will NEVER forget the night at the hospital at 26 weeks when we were told that we were going to have to be transferred to UK to have our babies.....I will never forget looking up at Cal and seeing the fear in his eyes. It was the most sobering moment of my life. A nurse came into my room and put her hand on me and Cal and began to pray. I will never forget that prayer, and I will never forget the way that it made me remember who was in charge. Our God is such and amazing God. He has a reason for everything. If the only reason behind why we had to go through what we did was to be a testament for His glory and for His ability to work miracles...then this has been worth it all.
I know when I see these little faces in a week and 4 days...I will see another reason why this has been worth it! As of now, I am LOVING the little kicks and hiccups and literally cry when I think of how I only have such a short time to have them all to myself like this. Although, this has been a very challenging pregnancy...it has been the best experience of my life. I have looked forward to this all of my life, and nothing can steal my joy!
I will leave with a few pictures of how our house is changing and turning into a home ready to "bring home babies":
I am a little obsessed with these car seat covers! Love them...

This is a very special picture in the nursery of the other set of twins in our family... my grandfather Edward and his twin Edwin:
Lucy's side:
Jack's side:
Below is Lucy's "coming home" gown. On top of the shelf are shoes and books that were mine and "Chuck's" (Cal's dad) silver baby cup. Also, her "coming home" bonnet that I had made for her. It is appropriately called the "Ava" bonnet by the company...ha
Jack's "coming home" gown and bonnet. On top of the shelf is a blue glass carriage that was Cal's, his little shoes and silver baby cup, along with a set of fairy tale books that belonged to me:
The changing station is one of my favorite things....I love that it is sunny and has a good view too. This window was just a bay window and my dad built the shelves to turn it into the changing station.... I LOVE it! My mom made all of the lamps in the room! How talented is she?
Cal's mom did the glazing on the nightstands and chest of drawers! They match PERFECTLY!!! I am just in love with the nursery!!!

...and last but NOT least....here is our 1st baby trying out some of the "baby gear"....she is having mixed emotions as this is her last week of being our "only child" LOL:

Trust or Sink?

We are doing great here.... we have a plan of action and a DATE for the C-section!! I will be taken off of the magnesium I.V. right at 34 weeks, which is next Wednesday. I am so excited about getting this I.V. out of my arm. I have had to get the I.V. re-done ever 4 days, so I am going to be so glad to not have to be stuck again.
Also, our Doctor gave us a C-section date of October 20~ we are so excited to have a plan and a date! She just talked to us about this last night. She seems to think that there is no reason that I wouldn't make it 4 more weeks. I sure hope I can- then we will be taking these babies home with us! That was an unheard of dream to us about 4 weeks ago. We toured the NICU and got our minds prepped to see our sweet little angels in those incubators. We knew that God would provide and take care of these babies that He loves more than we do...but it was an extremely hard pill to swallow to think of these helpless babies being poked on and prodded on. We know that now at 33 weeks, these babies would be the "growers and feeders" in the NICU if God decides that they need to come on into the world...what a blessing!

I have been clinging to the story of Peter....do we Trust or Sink?

"And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water." Matthew 14:28

If you've read this account before, you'll remember that the disciples were in a boat and Jesus came walking toward them on the water. The Bible tells us that Peter called out to Jesus and said, "Lord, if it is you, bid me to come to you on the water." Jesus told him to come and Peter walked on the water for a while. Then he began to look at the boisterous winds around him and when he did, he began to sink. The next thing we see happening is Peter crying out to Jesus to save him.

As I thought about this account, I noticed that Peter had the faith to call out to Jesus and ask Him to let him come to Him, and at Jesus' word He stepped out onto the water. When Peter began to sink, he had the faith to call out to Jesus to save him. But if you'll notice, he did not have the same faith in Jesus when he looked at the "storm" around him. We are no different than Peter- we have faith in the Lord to step into the water, and if we get in trouble and start to sink we have faith in Him to save us, it seems that our trouble comes in the "middle" of the storm. That's when we have trouble believing and trusting Him. I trust Him to get me out there, I trust Him to save me when I sink, but can I trust Him when I'm in the storm and it's raging all around me? Do I have the faith to believe that He can keep me afloat? Do I forget Who is with me on the stormy sea? Most people find it hard to walk "with" Him in the storm.

This is where our problem lies. When Peter was sinking, Jesus asked him why he doubted? In other words...why did you doubt that I would take care of you while you were out here? We must learn to trust Him while we are in the boat, when we take that first step out of the boat, when we are sinking... and while we are going through "boisterous" times.

a day in my life

For memory keeping sake....here is my 30 week picture at the hospital. I am starting to look like "octomom"...sheesh.... Please ignore the swollen face from the IV of magnesium....I can't even put on my rings. ugh

I hope that it just gets bigger! :)

I will be 31 weeks on Wednesday, and I just can't stop thanking God for this miracle that He is allowing to occur. I don't know of very many stories where a woman has contractions non-stop every 5-10 minutes for 2 and1/2 months and nothing happens. We are very grateful that we have gotten this far.
My days up here are pretty good. I have made friends with everybody here at the hospital...I am even getting some special treats from the kitchen...like Snicker's icecream bars! yum! I really am not having a bad time up here...the bed is comfy, my meals are good, and the nurses will remain lifelong friends. There is always good in everything...and I am determined to find the good all day long! Also...Ava got to come visit on Saturday. She nearly bit a nurse for giving me a shot, but besides that, she did really well. She was sooooo sweet- she curled up by my belly and slept all day. I miss that little dog so much! :(

Cal and I are dreaming of watching babies in bouncy seats in about a month or so while watching Ole Miss games in the comfort of our living room....ahhhh...the little things sound so amazing right now!

We're Still Truckin'....

So....here I am at 29 weeks prego. Do you see why my body thinks that I am full-term? ha Jack and Lucy have grown even more, and we are taking pictures at the hospital, but NO, I am not putting up those awful pictures LOL! My eyes are just about swollen shut from the magnesium IV that I am on. We will look at these pictures and laugh one day I am sure. The picture above was taken right before I was admitted back into the hospital this time around.

In all seriousness, the twins could come any day now. They have me on meds to stop the contractions, but I am already dilated (1.5 centimeters last week) and my cervix is already changing. We know that at 30 weeks, the twins could do really well, but I know that each day that I am in the hospital, I am saving them from 2-3 days in the NICU, statistically. I keep telling myself this fact and each time that I am poked with a needle or IV, I remind myself that it is one less needle that Jack and Lucy will have to be stuck with.
The doctor told me today that I will be here until 34 weeks unless, the twins decide to come before then.

I believe in the power of healing through prayer and I know that God can stop this pre-term labor if it is His will. But, I also want to pray that if it would be safer for the twins to come out due to some unknown infection or something of the such, then, I want God's will in that as well. I have stopped praying "God please keep them inside", and started praying, "God...your will be done". He knows the reason this is happening and He will keep Jack and Lucy safe.

At this point, I just need prayers for sanity and resolve as I sit in the hospital for this undisclosed amount of time. I am just so grateful that the babies are still safe and sound.

2 hearts beating wildly

Have you heard the song "One Boy, One Girl" by: Collin Raye....

well, I have cried my tears for the day~ ha~ what great lyrics

.........................................................................................................

He was holding her hand when the doctor looked up and grinned,
"Congratulations, twins"

One boy, one girl
Two hearts beating wildly
To put it mildly, it was love at first sight.
He smiled, she smiled, and they knew right away
This was the day they'd been waiting for all their lives,
And for a moment the whole world,
Revolved around one boy, and one girl

...........................................................................................................

(and I believe our world will continue to revolve around this little boy and girl....we already love them so much it literally hurts)

By the way...I am at HOME now from the hospital. I was there for a week and a half. My cervix has still not changed at all, so they feel certain that Jack and Lucy will stay put for a lot longer. I am on full-blown bed-rest now. I can't even go downstairs...I had to pick a floor and stay there...so I picked the floor with a shower! ha My mom is here helping me set all up and Cal is such an angel....everyone is helping so much! I am just so glad to be in my bed with my sheets and pillows....no more plastic pillows! woohoo

Please pray that these contractions continue to do no harm!

One Wild Ride!

I want to post this, not only for your prayers, but also for my memory. Our little family has been through a whirlwind the past couple of days. I know I posted this before, but I have been having contractions for about a month now. On Thursday, August 5th, the contractions did not make thier usual stop after about 2 hours of having them...they just kept coming. They were not painful, just uncomfortable and my belly got really hard. I called Cal at work and told him that I was going to have to go in to the hospital. They put me on the monitor and immediately tons of people came rushing into my room with needles, steroids, IVs, catheters, and so on... my contractions would NOT stop. They put me on the HIGHEST possible levels of magnessium sulfate and they STILL would not stop. There was talk of moving me to UK, because Central Baptist NICU only accepts babies 28 weeks and above. I was only 26 weeks and 1 day. Cal and I were the most scared that we have ever been in our lives.
The contractions finally started to loosen up and my cervical length was still good and long. I sat in this room on an IV of mag, fluid, antibiotic, catheter, pulse monitor, blood pressure cuff, and scuds on my legs for 2 days...there was no window in the room- Cal and I were literally going crazy! I am not even sure what we did with our time. I think we just stared at the wall. I was moved over to the ante-partem unit on Saturday- which is like a "graduation" from labor and delivery. A big nice room with a WINDOW, computer, refrigerator, DVD player, shower, and all of that fun stuff. ha
It is now August 10 and I am still here and probably will be until mid-August or more. They want to keep me here for sure until I am 28 weeks. I will be 28 weeks next Wednesday....so ONE MORE WEEK! I will be 27 weeks tomorrow!!! BIG celebration!
Jack and Lucy are doing great...they are still playing around- great heartrates and they look great on the ultrasound. The ultrasound that we had on Monday proved that my cervix was still good and long with no changes. PRAISE GOD> the Dr. called my contractions, "worthless contractions"- so that made us all feel much better. We are now playing around with meds to stop them...well, not stop them ...but slow them down a bit. So far, I am still having them pretty regular and they are wearing me out- literally! I am exhausted at the end of the day, even though I sat in the bed all day.
I just keep telling myself that I would much rather be the one hooked up to monitors and IVs than Jack and Lucy. They are as happy as they can be right now, and that is the way it needs to stay. Each day that I am here hooked up to all of this junk is one more day that they will not need to be! That is re-assuring.
Please pray for us- pray for our determination and strength, and that God continues to do His will in all of this.