putting it all out there....

Well, I have not been very open about all that Cal and I have been going through on this blog, because at the time I didn't feel like it was something that I wanted to air out to everyone. Now, this has become a part of me, it is a part of who I am and a part of who Cal and I are. I haven't been posting because my mind has been on this certain thing that I didn't want to talk about. Not talking about this now is like not talking about the color of my hair...it is just simply part of me now. I am understanding now that this is MY blog....a way to scrapbook our life together. If I can't be honest, then what is the point in even having a blog. This blog is a place where I can let my feelings out, and I haven't been able to do that for not wanting to talk about what Cal and I are going through.
OK....so here it is....

For 19 months Cal and I have longed for a child only to be slapped in the face each month with the sad reality that yet again, we will not be parents month after month. We knew that something wasn't right after about 6 months. We just felt it in our bones. We had our 1st test run one year ago TODAY. (how ironic) Here is a run-down of what has happened from the beginning:

June 06- Cal and I got married.

2 years later....
June 08- made the decision to become parents! We were so excited!

July 08- looking at nursery furniture...haha

August 08- started taking my temp every morning- AWFUL

September 08- thought it would happen anyday

October 08- has it really not happened yet?

Nov. 08- visit to OBGYN- he told us not to worry....HA

Dec 08- started to worry- not having normal cycles.

Dec. 31st, 08- HSG (dye test run)- all was clear :)

Jan. 09- taking temp. every morning, doing ovualtion predictor tests

Feb.09- 2nd visit to OBGYN- blew me off- told me it would happen

March 09- finally visit Dr. Long at ART fertility clinic

April 09- did the clomid challenge with artificial insemination (or IUI) (negative)

May 09- natural cycle with IUI (negative)

June 09- Gonal F with IUI (negative)

July 09- break

August 09- natural cycle with IUI (negative)

*diagnosed with morphology issues, retroverted uterus, endometriosis, and annovulation

September 09- IVF appointment

October 09- controlled cycle due to annovualtion

November 09- started birth control for IVF

December 5, 09- started drugs for IVF

December 19, 09- 2 perfect blastocysts were transferred

December 28, 09- recieved positive pregancy results~ but levels are really low- praying hard

December 31, 09- miscarriage- the babies are in Heaven now...

And, now you can see how this process has now become a part of me- this is who I am, and I will no longer be ashamed of this. We have been very hush hush about it for so long, but now I simply cannot act like it is not happening. We have lost 2 babies now, and we can't act like they were never here. They were VERY here....I could feel it in my bones....I KNEW that I was pregnant, and I was. I also knew in my spirit when that baby or babies left me and went to Heaven. I tried so hard to say positive, but I just KNEW. I think it is so cool that God lets us women just know these things. I can say now that I was pregnant....I know what it felt like for only a fleeting moment, but I know in my heart that God will bless us with a pregnancy that will go to full term and we will give birth to a healthy, happy baby.

I do want to acknowledge the fact that we have 2 babies in Heaven now, and we are parents, no matter what. We will never forget how God has held us during this time. His Grace is sufficiant.

still clinging:

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3: 20-21

Christmas Card Carousel

I am participating in "Walk with me by Faith's" Christmas Card Carousel. So, here is The Laney's Christmas card this year~ Don't you just LOVE Christmas cards?!?

My sweet sorority sister, Natalie, from Sweet Lemon Designs, made these for us~ aren't they precious! They are ever cuter in person! They finally went in the mail today. This week has been crazy. I had a small procedure done on Monday and have been on the couch for most of the week. I can't wait to get back to school tomorrow and see all of the sweet smiling faces!

Let me know if you participated in the Christmas card carousel! I want to hop over to your blog and see them!

Happenings...

Saturday was my birthday, and I woke up to this beautiful site:

Snow just takes you back to child-hood, you know. That same giddy feeling goes from head to toe and you run downstairs to get a better look! What a great little birthday present from God. Cal was at the hunting camp, so I was by myself with God. I sat in front of the window with my cup of coffee and my Bible and just had the BEST time! It was an amazing morning.

Cal left an envelope for me before he left for the hunting camp that read on the front, "Do not open until Sat, Dec. 5th, A.M.

I actually waited to open it!!! VERY unlike me! I usually would have had that thing torn open by the time I got it in my hand.

I'm glad I waited, because I opened it with the pleasant surprise to see a gift certificate to have a massage. JUST what the Doctor ordered. (no pun intended)

Cal got home from the hunting camp at around noon and we had a great, relaxing day and went out for a GREAT meal at Flemmings.

Onto another note:

I'm sure most of you know about these amazing pieces of art:

I am obsessed with this stuff....if you have ever been to my house- you have seen TONS of it everywhere! It is called McCarty's pottery and is special to me because it is made from Mississippi mud. As we make our trail all over the U.S.- we take a piece of MS with us!

I got of set of 12 of these glasses!!! I am SOOO excited! Cal's parents gave me 6 and my parents gave me the other 6! Thanks Chuck and Suzan, and Mom & Dad!!!!! I LOVE them!!!!!

Just a funny picture to leave you with: This is what happens to "Mr. Cal" when he comes to visit my classroom....he is literally attacked! It is absolutely hillarious! He is a trooper! We LOOOOOOOVE Mr. Cal! We write about him, talk about him, send letters to him. Well, I have to agree, he is pretty amazing! :)

clinging....

...to this verse:

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20

We have had a crazy weekend! Cal and I have packed up all clutter, pictures, cleaned carpets, etc...this weekend to get ready to put our house on the market! We are officially putting it on the market in January, but if you happen to know of someone in the meantime that is looking for a home in Bham with a great view....this is the house!

Getting excited about our move...but of course sad about leaving our friends...and Bham!

a few thoughts...

Happy Sunday! This week has been a great one...very busy, but very productive. I have had a couple Junior League things to do this week and met a lot of new friends. Cal and I had a cook-out on Thursday night...and it was another "meat-off"....would you like a little meat with your meat? kind of meals! ha! Cal loves to cook out on his Big Green Egg (thanks Chuck/Dad!)

I am continuing to try to minimize things in my life, but it seems like every night I have some kind of a meeting! ha!

I am just having a few thoughts on this lazy Sunday, while I monogram! ha! I am just thinking about how great our God is and how the plans that he has for us are far beyond our feeble minds to grasp. I am stepping back and looking at all of the wonderful things he has place in our lives....an amazing family, a sweeeeet puppy, incredible friends and support system. Above all, I am so very grateful for the love and the bond that is between Cal and I. We can sit and talk for hours on a daily basis and NEVER run out of things to say! He is truly my best friend and I couldn't ask for more! Yesterday, he held me while I cried and never once asked me why, or what he could do to make me stop....he just simply understood!

I turned on the T.V. yesterday to see a program on the Christian channel about abortions. There was a ticker at the bottom of the screen that was counting each abortion that was taking place in the United States at that moment. When I turned on the TV, the program had been on for about 30 minutes, and in that 30 minute time over 700 abortions had taken place in our country. Where is the respect for life? What in the world in God thinking when Christian, loving, stable couples are forced to science in order to bare their own child, while millions of babies die daily? The answer to "What in the world is He thinking?" is simply....HE is not of this world! HE has great plans, and the people that are taking those lives will ultimately have to answer to HIM! We, as Christians, have to keep holding our heads up high and know that the plan HE has for us is immeasurable MORE than we can immagine!

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

Hope is the belief in things unseen. HOPE: is the confident, joyful expectation that God is working, both NOW and IN THE FUTURE, for my good and for His glory.
Our biggest duty as Christians, and the hardest thing, is to have FAITH and trust that God is performing His will, even if we are unable to see it yet....that is HOPE!

We will wait on God expectantly!
I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! (I will see God work in my lifetime...but it may not be OUR plan)
Wait on the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; WAIT FOR THE LORD!!! Psalms 27: 13-14
We look forward in eagar expectation, but chose to live each day like it will be our last!

REMEMBER whose hand is on the wheel as we drive up this winding path!

Jimpkin, Jumpkin....We all got a PUMPKIN!

We had a fun filled day at the Pumpkin Patch today! The K kids LOVED every minute of it!

oh...the cuteness is just too much! Don't you want to just squeeze these little cheeks!Climbing the "hay mountain"...they made a slide and had OH so much fun!

JIMPKIN.....

JUMPKIN...

We ALL got a PUMPKIN!!!

In Dixie Land...

So....my BEST friend told me that she was about to take me off of her blog list because I have been so pitiful about updating. All I have to say about that is "NULL and VOID"! (although...she NEVER posts anything on her blog...hmmm...we might need to work on that) ha...so I am going to TRY to step it up and get better about posting!

Cal and I went to the ARK game this weekend...SO much fun. I guess the fact that we won helped with the excitement. It was such a beautiful day...just a PERECT Grove day!

ain't that the truth...

Charlie had enough Grovin' for the day...she said it was nap time! so cute!

me, Nicci, Julie, and Lindsay

Nick, Nicci, me and Cal
Amanda, Brynnen, me and Kristen waiting for a table at Old Taylor. Old Taylor Catfish is the neatest little place where you go knowing that you are going to wait for at least 2 hours before you sit down, and you are OK with that. Everyone sits in the parking lot with their coolers and just walks around and talks to everyone there. Just a little social hour...or 2! ha The fried catfish is wonderful too!

We have a field trip to the Pumpkin Patch tomorrow...so expect a post about that soon (Nicci)!

10 years…

Well…not only has it been 10 years since I last blogged, but it has also been 10 years since I graduated high school! How does time fly by so quickly? I remember the day that I graduated like it was yesterday. I even can remember the smells, the sounds, the laughter from the huge family of mine gathered together to watch that special moment when a child becomes an adult…(or at least the child "thinks" they are an adult). I will always be grateful for my wonderful friends that I made while in high school. There are a few that are still very big part of my life. I know that I am the person I am today because of these lovely ladies. Here are a few of those very people before we left for the reunion. Me, Waverly, Tori, and Lana

Also…this is an interesting story: This is Cal and Michael

Cal and Michael grew up together and Michael was in our wedding over 3 years ago. Waverly(pictured above) was also in said wedding. Being that Cal and I had 12 attendants (ahem) a piece… Waverly and Michael never officially met. Well, about 1 year later, Michael and Wave were set up on a blind date. During dinner they made the Cal and Adair connection! So, needless to say, Cal had a buddy during our Lee Academy 10 year reunion! He was so happy to have him there! Here is the best pic I could get of our itty-bitty class of 99! There were only about 20 that didn't make it. I graduated with 60 people in my small, delta, blues-lovin town of Clarksdale, MS! Fun times! And this…folks….was my elementary class at PDS (Presbyterian Day School) minus 2 people- Faith and Grace were not there. Yes…only NINE people were in my class!
On to another topic…I wanted to sort of explain my blogging hiatus. I have been on a proverbial "break" from a lot of things lately. I am trying to train myself to relax, let things go, and weed out things in my life that may be stressful. I have been thinking in the past that I was an octopus with eight arms, and with those eight arms, I could juggle up to 20 things! Well…I have come to the disturbing realization that I, my friends, only have 2 arms. I am trying my best to only hold one thing at a time in my 2 arms. I believe that this endeavor is not only helping me, but it is also improving the relationships that I have with the people that are the most important to me. I have invested too much time doing things that are not building those relationships and I am glad that I am having this opportunity to relax and realize this it is OK to say NO!
Also, I have spent a lot of time working on THIS while Cal is busy watching football and such! I am glad to be back to the blogging world...I have missed it!

winner winner...chicken for dinner!

WOW- this week has FLOWN by....I have had some sort of a meeting or something to do every single afternoon after work! It has been a crazy, but fun and productive week!
OK..... so I asked Cal to pick a number between 1 and 12 (the number of comments on my blog) and he said EIGHT....and drumroll please....the winner is ALE'!!!!!
So....Ale'....I need you to send me the color, font, etc. that you would like on your new robe! YAY!

I hope everyone has a great labor day weekend...I will be catching up on a TON of monogramming orders and relaxing!

What are your plans?

100th post! (and a give-away)

After yet another blogging hiatus...I'm back...and realizing that this is my 100th post in the blog world! ha! And YES...I am going to do a 100th post giveaway! I am going to give a white monogrammed robe to one of you that leave a comment on this post! I will do a random number generator to decide the winner. It could look a little something like this:of course...font and color will be your choice!

And speaking of monogramming....

Here is a slideshow of most of my Fall designs. They will be on the right side of the my website if you need them in the future.

Last, but not least, we threw a baby shower for our sweet friend Shanna at my friend Lissette's home this weekend. She had a great turn-out and went home with a lot of cute things for baby Elana Grace! Here are a few pics from the shower:

Here is the proud soon-to-be mommy Shanna- she just opened the gift that I made for baby Elana Grace!

Hope everyone has a relaxing Sunday! Can't wait to see who wins the giveaway!!! :)

LOL

So... i saw this photo on Mck Mama's blog and laughed so hard i cried.. is this not the most amazing thing you have ever seen. LOVE it!

Anyway.... school is going GREAT!- here are a few pics of my classroom:

GOSH....I am going to miss this school.... (not going to think about it yet)

I have the SWEETEST group this year.... God would have it so that I could leave with a bang! I am loving every minute of it!

OH....Cal decided to cook out literally EVERYTHING in our deep freeze the other day....

we were up until midnight trying to do all of it haha!Look who is SOOOOO in thier element! ha- like a kid at Christmas~
How cute is he?

So...we cooked all of the meat (deer, duck, lamb) in our house, and are STILL eating it- 1 week later....but hey, I'm glad because the less I have to cook during the 1st week of school the better! :)

Hope everyone is having a great week!

If you have a chance- read Psalm 13- great chapter during times of adversity- a constant reminder to ALWAYS sing unto the Lord- How GREAT is our God! (always)

a confession....

ok...no pictures...just a confession about why the blog has been left un-edited for so very long....

I am feel like I am just coming up for air from a VERY long time of being held violently under raging water. Actually...we both feel that way, Cal and I. We are coming up for fresh air, and it smells oh so nice. God has such an amazing way of giving us grace right when we need it.
Lots of things going on around here. Cal and I are stronger in our bond than ever....so no worries there. :) We just need lots of prayer. LOTS of decisions to be made...
I am so sorry that I cannot go into detail right now, but I will when the time is right. I am just asking for you (all 2 of you that read my blog ha) to PRAY- please pray for the Laney family.

Just a few things....

...ON Sunday..... Lissette and I were the decorations committee for our annual JCRMA (resident's wives club) new member brunch. I had a GREAT time decorating and hanging out with everybody!

before...

after...

Welcome Bags that we made for the new members

The planning committee:

me, Katie, Areta, Leah, Elizabeth, and Lissette

onto another topic....

Could my "purple" thumb be turning............."green"??I dunno....we shall see........ ....if these plants stay alive....then maybe we will have hope! :)
Tuesday....Ale' and I went to eat at SUMO! Ale' was my student teacher last year. I really miss seeing her daily and all of our talks. It was wonderful to see her and sit and chat the other day!
On Monday (yes...I am going backwards in the week)....I hung out with these two cool little people!I am sure you have heard of Caroline already on this blog....I taught her in Kindergarten....I can't believe she is going into 2nd grade this year! wow! time flies when you are having fun! I babysat Caroline and her little brother Trevor on Monday morning and had a BLAST!

TODAY....

I am relaxing....getting pumped up to start on my classroom this weekend...and finishing a few monogramming orders!

If you are a teacher....when are you starting back? are you doing anything different to your classroom this year? Anybody have good ideas for making EASY curtains for the classroom?