Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Trust or Sink?

We are doing great here.... we have a plan of action and a DATE for the C-section!! I will be taken off of the magnesium I.V. right at 34 weeks, which is next Wednesday. I am so excited about getting this I.V. out of my arm. I have had to get the I.V. re-done ever 4 days, so I am going to be so glad to not have to be stuck again.
Also, our Doctor gave us a C-section date of October 20~ we are so excited to have a plan and a date! She just talked to us about this last night. She seems to think that there is no reason that I wouldn't make it 4 more weeks. I sure hope I can- then we will be taking these babies home with us! That was an unheard of dream to us about 4 weeks ago. We toured the NICU and got our minds prepped to see our sweet little angels in those incubators. We knew that God would provide and take care of these babies that He loves more than we do...but it was an extremely hard pill to swallow to think of these helpless babies being poked on and prodded on. We know that now at 33 weeks, these babies would be the "growers and feeders" in the NICU if God decides that they need to come on into the world...what a blessing!
I have been clinging to the story of Peter....do we Trust or Sink?

"And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water." Matthew 14:28

If you've read this account before, you'll remember that the disciples were in a boat and Jesus came walking toward them on the water. The Bible tells us that Peter called out to Jesus and said, "Lord, if it is you, bid me to come to you on the water." Jesus told him to come and Peter walked on the water for a while. Then he began to look at the boisterous winds around him and when he did, he began to sink. The next thing we see happening is Peter crying out to Jesus to save him.

As I thought about this account, I noticed that Peter had the faith to call out to Jesus and ask Him to let him come to Him, and at Jesus' word He stepped out onto the water. When Peter began to sink, he had the faith to call out to Jesus to save him. But if you'll notice, he did not have the same faith in Jesus when he looked at the "storm" around him. We are no different than Peter- we have faith in the Lord to step into the water, and if we get in trouble and start to sink we have faith in Him to save us, it seems that our trouble comes in the "middle" of the storm. That's when we have trouble believing and trusting Him. I trust Him to get me out there, I trust Him to save me when I sink, but can I trust Him when I'm in the storm and it's raging all around me? Do I have the faith to believe that He can keep me afloat? Do I forget Who is with me on the stormy sea? Most people find it hard to walk "with" Him in the storm.

This is where our problem lies. When Peter was sinking, Jesus asked him why he doubted? In other words...why did you doubt that I would take care of you while you were out here? We must learn to trust Him while we are in the boat, when we take that first step out of the boat, when we are sinking... and while we are going through "boisterous" times.

Monday, September 6, 2010

a day in my life

For memory keeping sake....here is my 30 week picture at the hospital. I am starting to look like "octomom"...sheesh.... Please ignore the swollen face from the IV of magnesium....I can't even put on my rings. ugh
I hope that it just gets bigger! :)
I will be 31 weeks on Wednesday, and I just can't stop thanking God for this miracle that He is allowing to occur. I don't know of very many stories where a woman has contractions non-stop every 5-10 minutes for 2 and1/2 months and nothing happens. We are very grateful that we have gotten this far.
My days up here are pretty good. I have made friends with everybody here at the hospital...I am even getting some special treats from the kitchen...like Snicker's icecream bars! yum! I really am not having a bad time up here...the bed is comfy, my meals are good, and the nurses will remain lifelong friends. There is always good in everything...and I am determined to find the good all day long! Also...Ava got to come visit on Saturday. She nearly bit a nurse for giving me a shot, but besides that, she did really well. She was sooooo sweet- she curled up by my belly and slept all day. I miss that little dog so much! :(
Cal and I are dreaming of watching babies in bouncy seats in about a month or so while watching Ole Miss games in the comfort of our living room....ahhhh...the little things sound so amazing right now!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

We're Still Truckin'....

So....here I am at 29 weeks prego. Do you see why my body thinks that I am full-term? ha Jack and Lucy have grown even more, and we are taking pictures at the hospital, but NO, I am not putting up those awful pictures LOL! My eyes are just about swollen shut from the magnesium IV that I am on. We will look at these pictures and laugh one day I am sure. The picture above was taken right before I was admitted back into the hospital this time around.
In all seriousness, the twins could come any day now. They have me on meds to stop the contractions, but I am already dilated (1.5 centimeters last week) and my cervix is already changing. We know that at 30 weeks, the twins could do really well, but I know that each day that I am in the hospital, I am saving them from 2-3 days in the NICU, statistically. I keep telling myself this fact and each time that I am poked with a needle or IV, I remind myself that it is one less needle that Jack and Lucy will have to be stuck with.
The doctor told me today that I will be here until 34 weeks unless, the twins decide to come before then.
I believe in the power of healing through prayer and I know that God can stop this pre-term labor if it is His will. But, I also want to pray that if it would be safer for the twins to come out due to some unknown infection or something of the such, then, I want God's will in that as well. I have stopped praying "God please keep them inside", and started praying, "God...your will be done". He knows the reason this is happening and He will keep Jack and Lucy safe.
At this point, I just need prayers for sanity and resolve as I sit in the hospital for this undisclosed amount of time. I am just so grateful that the babies are still safe and sound.